I wrote something ages back, about why butches wear cargo pants – basically, I had discovered, for all those extraneous pockets to be used to hold femme accessories when one’s femme girlfriend decides to relinquish the handbag for a bit.
I still don’t understand handbags, but that’s a whole other matter.
Of course cargo pants are useful in their own rights – obviating the need for a handbag/manbag in the first place. Those side pockets are brilliant for us evil smokers too – positioned helpfully on the sides of legs, packets of twenty don’t get squished. Yay.
There’s another use too, but before I reveal it, let me first add what has become an increasingly necessary disclaimer, in the light of threats of litigation by exes. No names or identities shall be revealed and any assumptions made might very well be wrong, so relax, mmkay? And if it was you, get over it. Thank you.
Anyway.
The utilitarian might of the cargo pants pocket comes into play when, for whatever reason, you have to walk between rooms or areas carrying a dildo or three – and you run the risk of perhaps bumping into some nice old dears who don’t need to be confronted by your brightly coloured arsenal of joy.
No problem for the butch wearing those sturdy cargo pants with reinforced seams! Pants hanging acceptably low on your hips, accentuating a good butt, side pockets bagging out a little, because you don’t want to look like a military cadet nerd after all – you can guess the rest. Is that a designer dildo or three lurking in that pocket, or are you just completely thrilled to see me?
No harm done either, if the whole thing causes a pre or post-coital swagger along the way.
Yes, I know that cargo pants come in a femme flavour too – but they tend to be cut differently and their pockets aren’t quite as comfy somehow. I think they’re built to hold lipsticks.
March 23rd, 2010 at 19:42
…add a tight white tank top to those cargos and I’m sold!!! LOL
March 24th, 2010 at 02:11
hmm. wonder if that’d work on my gf. note: dig out tank tops.
March 31st, 2010 at 04:06
Yesssssssss.
March 31st, 2010 at 20:58
decided i’m too middle aged for tank tops :D
April 4th, 2010 at 01:04
hf3r9fr7 i’m repressing a really inappropriate joke right now!!!! jdfi38f
April 4th, 2010 at 13:32
just do it!
April 17th, 2010 at 00:32
forgot what i was gonna say now!!! :(
March 24th, 2010 at 00:49
well this post pretty much guarantees I’ll be giving any woman in cargo pants a much longer look than was my previous habit!
March 24th, 2010 at 02:11
:D
April 1st, 2010 at 21:54
I was just about to say that :D
March 25th, 2010 at 05:30
See, this is why I could not be butch, I dare not wear any pant with pockets that may add to my already generous hips/ass. I will keep my handbag tyvm.
Besides, I hear that the bigger the handbag the smaller the ass appears so I carry a suitcase! :)
March 26th, 2010 at 09:55
i have 2 pairs of cargo pants — 1 pair butch, 1 pair femme. the femme ones are actually kind of only demi-cargo pants — pocketed on 1 leg only. i kind of dig the asymetry, but my butch ones are my standard rehearsal pants these days: useful stuff like pencils + highlighters go in the right pocket, ridiculous stuff like bubblegum + cryptic notestoself go in the left. also, much better for dancing, at least the way i do it.
March 28th, 2010 at 05:10
I was having a shitty day and I read this and laughed really hard. you make me want to pack tonight.
March 31st, 2010 at 20:59
:) thanks people!
January 14th, 2011 at 10:28
[...] Another Good Reason for Butches to Wear Cargo Pants March 2010 14 comments [...]
January 14th, 2011 at 13:56
I love my cargo pants!
and long sleeved tee-shirts, black…with messages like
“there is no spoon”
“must I restrain myself?”
and other such semi cryptic phrases.
of course, I also love my salwar suits.
me, and my split-level head!