the badly drawn butch-o-sphere

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About ulla

queer. antisocial. verbose. View all posts by ulla

11 responses to “the badly drawn butch-o-sphere

  • queerfindingsanity

    I can totally feel you on this one.

    Though I completely support peoples various uses of language an identity. It can send me into a weird space too… The whole ‘parent’ ‘child’ role play is really unsettling. Though Im still interested in bdsm to some degree, esp lately reading about it sends me into unsafe spaces…

    I think the word ‘butch’ can have many different meanings for different folks. its just a matter of figuring out in what way you identify with the term. Im more aligned with “femme” but my own brand of femme that like you said is maybe more ironic and liberated from the binary. :)

  • Vak

    My own sense of butch is more a ‘look’ and when it gets to a point where people try to make it about beyond the look and more about how butches are supposed to BE, etc, it really annoys me. Why turn away from the straight world (or heteronormative is the word I think ;) and then try to do the same ‘me butch you femme thing’ as two women?

  • emmahouxbois

    I’ve been actually noticing a proliferation of new and extremely interesting personal interpretations of what butch is, but it’s almost exclusively been local. I know what it means to feel out of step with the world, and I just kind of try to take it as meaning that you’ve done right by yourself and defined yourself by what you know to be true about yourself rather than what’s popular (not that more popular flavours are any less genuine). Also, I just really love that phonetic accent thing you do with “Sarf Erfican.” Makes me giggle every time.

  • me

    3 comments + I haven’t been flamed yet :0 – I’m a little disappointed *grin* thing is, when I’ve (rarely) questioned things, like the daddy play thing, the answer is generally along the lines of yes well this is edgeplay but all loving and consensual and we discuss everything..all well and good, it is everyone’s right blablabla…but I guess I just wanted to express my own discomfort. What if a kid I love google butch stuff because they want to understand me better – and what if the rersults she get are that stuff?

  • SwitchWitch

    I love Butch-Femme Dynamic, and the Daddy/little girl dynamic. I do not have a Daddy right now, but my views on the subject is that the Daddy/lg thing is not based on any sort of incest, but rather, Daddy is a person who has certain qualities, like firmness,(stands his/hys/her ground) compassion, an evil streak, and protectiveness. I have a good relationship with my biological father, so not seeking a replacement for him. I don’t see that Butches have to be on top all the time, (or even any of the time.) Yeah I am more attracted to those that are tops/Doms/Daddies, but have no problem with topping a butch, or the idea of being dominant to a butch in a relationship.

    • Vak

      What causes discomfort to me is that by associating “daddy” with “protectiveness, firmness” etc I feel we are propagating gender stereotypes (made more attractive by sexualising them?). What is your take on that?

  • me

    I guess I can’t separate the concept of a dominant often masculine whatever, that is called “daddy” – from the notion of fathers. I just find it so incredibly sore – having been abused by mine. I think it’s a logical trigger. I’m not trying to say anybody shouldn’t do/feel/express anything, just trying to express what it does to me – it’s great when thinhgs are clearly marked so that I can avoid it, but sometimes it hasn’t been + I’ve stumbled on to stuff that has caused serious flashbacks and horror and discomfort for me. My issues though, I know they’re my issues.

  • SwitchWitch

    I can only say what appeals to me…If I am with someone who is my Dom/Daddy, and they don’t make me feel safe, or protected…then I shouldn’t be with them. Because that person may not be good for my overall mental health.

  • pothus

    You know, I think maybe we should all keep developing our kinks, but simultaneously we have to develop our compassionate understanding that kinks can also be triggers.

    Wouldn’t it be nice if, instead of hoping for a NSFW warning before a “Daddy” or BDSM story, the author made a point of typing “trigger warning” at the top? Feministing does it quite a bit, and is also quick to add one at the request of readers. It doesn’t cramp anyone’s style and it lets everyone else feel safer.

  • SwitchWitch

    Or both? I mean because just about anything could be a trigger for someone. I once had a online friend that if someone said lollipop to her, or tried giving her 1, she would have a panic attack.

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