Tag Archives: girlfriend

dear queer, i love you ..

because illogical societal stigmas make families forget sometimes, that they love their children and parents and siblings and so on, we queers generally fear coming out, with a dread a lot of people don’t seem to appreciate. in fact, before the terror, it’s society that has caused the fact that we need to come out at all.

we shouldn’t have to.

but we do – or we lurk, fearful in closets not of our own construction.

i was very, extremely (a lot!) touched by a letter roxy wrote, from the viewpoint of the mother of a queer child. it shows a level of love and understanding and basic human compassion that actually, we should all be exercising. it’s the basis of most religions and the better philosophies and part of what allegedly raises us above animals ffs … that letter should get printed out and sent to the world.

now roxy ain’t the mother of a queer child, at least, not right now, i think her “weasels” are a little young to be deciding that. she is, however, both a queer and a mother. She has her own coming out journey and it’s an interesting one. (btw she and her genderqueer lover are happily polyamorous bdsm freaks, so if you go clicking around her blog indiscriminately, i won’t be responsible for any orgasms and/or conniptions you might enjoy/suffer). ;p

i don’t have a huge amount to say on this topic that hasn’t already been said … just … people manage to love murderers … please don’t draw the line at queers?


[desmond tutu and his god have no issue with us, so why should you?]

41 trivial questions meme thingy


sheep, post retief road

1. What is the closest item near you that is blue? my eyes <_<

2. What is your favorite color? #666699

3. When is your birthday? next year ;p

4. When did you last go to the mall? monday. we have two [count ’em] malls in the nearest city – my gf calls them mauls. they aren’t very exciting, but like most of their breed, they have too much fake light and too many people and a general air of need and greed and … i don’t like them.

5. When was the last time you bought a pair of pants? could this be the single most boring question ever asked by a meme?

6. What do you want for your birthday? some pants.

7. Who will be your next kiss? the cherrybomber

8. What was the last candy you ate? sally williams macadamia nougat

9. Are you wearing socks right now? ok this makes the pants question seem quite interesting. i’m not wearing socks, i’m barefoot. enthralling!

10. When was the last time you went out of the state? we call them “provinces” in south africa + the one i live in is called the eastern cape. it’s one of 9. and i haven’t been out of it for what feels like ages. last time would have been to cape town i think? eek. don’t know.

11. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days? nope – far longer than that, in fact. east london is rather way off “the circuit” and seems to suffer rom-coms etc most of the time.

12. What was the last thing you had to drink? green tea

13. What are you wearing right now? a slightly peevish expression

14. What was your last purchase? a t-shirt for a friend’s birthday

15. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? my gf

16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? see above

17. Do you have a pet? phrodeaux the 15 yr old very spoiled and loved jack russell terrier

18. What’s the last sporting event you watched? surfing

19. What’s the most played song on your iTunes? right now, full steam ahead by david grey and annie lennox, i seem to have some sort of addiction to it :/

20. If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be? with her.

21. What is the last thing you purchased online? bought a month’s mmorpg sub for a dutch kid

22. One thing you hate about yourself? one?! i have self-loathing down to a fine art. seriously though? my panic attacks.

23. What’s your favorite soup? tomato. out of a can.

24. Do you miss anyone? my gf.

25. Last play you saw? man to man at the grahamstown festival – one woman play starring antoinette kellerman + the best play i have ever seen anywhere.

26. What are your plans for the day? walk dogs on beach, work, fetch neighbour’s daughter from airport.

27. Last person you messaged? gf.

28. What do you know about the future? nothing..nobody does, it’s all just “educated” guesses

29. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne? not right now, i only add it for going out.

30. Where are your best friends located? she’s at work in the city right now.

31. How old do you want to be when you have kids? i’m 40 and don’t have any.

32. Who was the last person who made you cry? me?

33. Do you have any tattoos or piercings? pierced ears, nose, brow – none worn for many years now. tats: gecko on right shoulder, eland at base of spine, moon left forearm and star on right calf.

34. How do you like your soda? not hooked on it – coke or fanta on a v hot day.

35. Do you like hot sauce? yes.

36. Next time you’ll take a shower? saturday morning. i usually bath ;p

37. What was the last movie you watched at home? national treasure

38. What is your mood? low-grade anxiety, nothing major.

39. What kind of car do you drive? anything anyone lets me – i don’t own a car.

40. Have you ever been to Virginia? no, i’ve met her though.

41. What are you doing right now? finishing this meme

roadtrippin’ with my true love

we went away, my girlfriend and i, to the mountains for the weekend. such a simple statement and it holds an incredibly beautiful world between its little words. we’ve been roadtripping pretty much since we met and it works well. we share the driving, talk a lot, play music infrequently, stop where we like – it works. i LOVE roadtrips, so it’s a huge bonus that she does too. it means i can merge like a lesbian and say, “we love roadtrips.” nice. i drove the tarred part of the journey and she drove the dirt – because photogenic things tend to happen along dirt roads. on tar, you have music and livelier conversation. on dirt, the wheels become a mantra, the sky is a meditation and you find you want to just quietly rest your hand on her thigh and smile at the world a bit.

time’s so elastic on a journey – in transit is a place in itself. i love it. i love it a lot.

i could do a wonderful review of where we stayed and what we saw, but i’m indulging myself completely in this blog entry and it’s more of a love letter – to her primarily, but also to my country – my adopted country, i wasn’t even born here. roads and tracks and trees and signs of humanity and the parts of it humanity has fuckall to do with … it’s just love.

yes man, i am solidly smug.

landscape photography is not my strong point and i don’t much care – but weeeelll … one may as well practice eh? i love mountains the way i love the sea – perhaps the sea just gets a slight advantage because it is blue. and i love blue. the eastern cape’s all yellow and dry now – worst drought in living memory and so forth.

my girlfriend is from the eastern cape and interprets and translates it for me beautifully, because i am not.

eland are my favourite animals and san rock paintings are like prayers to them in some senses. so’s the tattoo on the base of my spine. we climbed a mountain to see those. they’re so bright, because they’re not getting messed up by loads of visitors. nice man, very nice.

and now i’m out of words.




it’s your hell baby, i ain’t going to that party

i commented on a butch blog the other day and it started me thinking a little further than my comments there.

why do perfectly nice, good people turn unkind when there’s a religious issue with homosexuality? and by unkind, i mean an absolute faith/conviction that they are right, leading to utter disregard of us poor queers’ feelings.

*insert shit-eating grin here*

“love the sinner, not the sin.”

never mind if the “sinner” in question is a faithful, perhaps even christian soul, who is kind to old ladies and small animals. all of these things become irrelevant in the do-gooder’s need to impose their opinions.

they smile while they inform you that you’re going to hell unless you change.

they have no respect for science.

they have no space for compassion, unless it falls within their tight little coda and cloaca.


i’m sitting on a beach with my girlfriend in the early 90’s. we’re on towels, in shorts and swimming costumes. my arm is loosely round her shoulders. a very fat and topless man lurches pendulously up and says in very bad english, that “god created adam and eve, not adam and steve.” i say thank you, now please be on your way. he launches into the hellfire speech. i smile like a crocodile and say ok now that’s enough fatso, fuck off. very quietly, very pleasantly.

*fast forward*

if it happened today, i think i would react differently. i think i would simultaneously be more and less tolerant and either ignore him totally or get right to the fuckoff without the pleasantries first. or i’d sit back and let my girlfriend deal with it.

why do people think they have the right?

queers don’t go around en masse trying to get people to change their lifestyles or religions or whatever.

perhaps we should.

hi, i’m ulla and i’d like to talk to you about The Way of Queer … please take a pamphlet …

i’ll launch a massive ad campaign – it will feature gorgeous people doing exciting things and the catchphrase (over suitably shit-eating grins) will be, “… and all because i’m queer!” there will be a jingle and t-shirts. it will be endorsed by celebs and designers and so on. it will, in a word, be hawt. the logo will be unforgettably gorgeous.

i will pace main thoroughfares with a placard saying, “straight roads never get anywhere really, do they?” my girlfriend and i will stride hand in hand into crowded restaurants and tut at heterosexual couples.

people will see therapists and healers to find out why they are straight. they will develop deep self-loathing and very complex neuroses. i will look upon them with a patronizing and pitying compassion, all the while feeling smugly superior.


fuck it must be uncomfortable inside those minds!!

i think it was thumper (of bambi fame) who said, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

*** no right wing fundamentalists were harmed in the making of this blog post ***

the little book of butch – page 1

but c her